Interior monologue

Running errands this weekend took me past a store I like to browse occasionally, so I stopped in to a take a look around.

I use big craft stores for little tools of my trade, such as felt. Designer tip: you can buy a sheet of felt in a color very similar to your furniture and custom cut it to fit your needs. Prevent chairs from scratching your chairs, cabinet doors from slamming hard, you name it. It is much cheaper to buy a sheet of felt than those pre-cut-in-many-sizes felt pads.

I am a big fan of Hobby Lobby, Michael’s, A.C. Moore, Joann’s and any other store that carries a wide variety of affordable craft supplies. There was a time when arts and crafts supplies were only in the budgets of wealthier Americans, so it is nice to see so many can express their creativity today.

However… (you knew there was a “however” coming, didn’t you?) I do sometimes get confused when I visit the decor sections of craft stores…and not just because of this:

It’s still August where I live. How about you?

But, as many of you regular readers know, I have already written a few posts this year about Christmas, so I have no room to judge. And I spend a lot of time in decor sections of craft stores trying not to judge. Just because something isn’t my taste, doesn’t mean someone else might love it in their home. Such as this:

Not my taste, but someone might really love leopards…or cheetahs. (I can’t figure out which animal these pillows are supposed to be, I just know it’s not giraffe.) Plus, its my job to help people make their homes more “them” and take that responsibility and trust very seriously.

That doesn’t mean I don’t judge the decor manufacturers out there, though. Someone, somewhere is giving the go-ahead to produce some crazy stuff with middle America as its target market. Those are the things that really get me. As I wander around, I keep my opinions to myself in a quiet, ongoing interior monologue that sounds a little something like this:

(Stainless steel water bottles with coozies)

There are too many things monogrammed in today’s world…

…Who hates trees so much that they stick these on them?…

…Is this real produce that someone might try to use?…

…Probably not. I hope no one removes these labels!…

…I will never find the rituals of laundry art-worthy…

…No room I would include this hardware sculpture in, not even a garage….

…Wouldn’t matte black Christmas ornaments just look like deep, dark shadows on your tree?…

…Clearly, I need to expand my traditional instincts on this particular subject…

…Is there a man in this world that wants his belongings labeled this way?…

…Or a woman who could live with this sitting out on a table or shelf?…

…Creepy, yet hypnotic. Not very “namaste”…

…So top heavy it can’t go into a home with pets, children or adults who might ever risk walking quickly…

…no…

…I wonder if anyone ever spells out the word “ampersand”?…

…I don’t think Queen Victoria was ever even Victorian enough for this frame…

…people must get lost in their homes more than I realize.

So, there’s a little view from my corner of the world inside my head. If I have offended anyone, that was not my intention and I do apologize. Feel free to laugh at my aimless shopping opinions. Am I the only one that has this kind of monologue running in their heads in decor stores? You can give it to me straight, I can take it. Leave a comment below and share your 2¢…

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Posted on August 15, 2011, in Decor, Lifestyle. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. They never have any monogrammed ‘Z’ items…

  2. Do you make house calls? I think my mother would benefit from a visit from the tschotske police.

    There are some things in those stores that I like, plates and decorative bowls, but then it’s the Precious Moments and statuettes of guys fishing that I don’t understand. I guess I don’t want to start down the road that leads to my mothers “Spanish Fan” collection.

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